they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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