Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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