And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
