also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
