Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm getting married
To pizza
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
