please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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