To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
