So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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