She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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