i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
