I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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