He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
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I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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