genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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