hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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