so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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