On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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