I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
