That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
