Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
