I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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