I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
