shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
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Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
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Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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