A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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