The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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