i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
