she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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