the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
