oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
