But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
