Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
