I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
