I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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