I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
