its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
