I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
