her vagina looked like bernie madoff
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
