Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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