i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
