I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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