You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
