So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
