So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize