and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
