I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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