dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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