Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
