How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
