it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
