Swine flu. Run for my life!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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