Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
