after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
