Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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