can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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