i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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