I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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