He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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