so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
