we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
It was confusing and full of hummus
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You did what with his pubic hair?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
