But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
