So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
