Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID