i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low