My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake