normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.