I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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