You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We talked him into tasing himself.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.