Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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