he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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