the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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