I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
