I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
