so explain again why im purple
no
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize