did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I am one with the molecules
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
