I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
