if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
