Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
