I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
